Mojito Libre

Writing

2010-01-27T14:42:00.003-05:00

Well, my quiet, keep it to myself, goal for the new year has begun. I had told myself that I need to get my creative thoughts moving again after having set them aside for a long slumber. At the end of the day, writing technical documents tends to wipe out your mind and a mind-numbing activity, whether it's having a drink, watching TV, or playing with the kid, is usually the best remedy for a nice relaxing evening.

I used to write. A lot. Creative stuff, at that. I was a Literature major, so I was constantly reading, researching, and writing papers, essays, poems, and general rants. As I moved into the business world, those extended writings turned into lists because that's what the working world does to your thought process. Then even the short lists I would write would get tossed aside and forgotten about. I now have been reduced to writing down what we need from the grocery store and that's about it.

So, I told myself that I would dedicate this year to getting my mind moving again. The easiest way to do this would be to compile a list of 10 books I've been meaning to read (or ones that looked interesting, at least) and actually read them. Well, so far, I've finished 2 and I'm about halfway through a third. I've also got 2 others that I've already gotten about 20 pages into (this is a bad habit I picked up in school - I'm usually in the middle of 4 or 5 books at once).

However, the ultimate benefit to all this is that I've already got the 1st page of a short story started. Nothing great. Just thoughts and some lines that I thought of this morning while I was dragging a razor across my face trying to get ready for the day.

But, that's the thing. It's been a long time since I've sat there doing some monotonous task and had story ideas or artistic thoughts run through my mind. So, my ultimate goal was to get my thought process moving and it has. I gave up a long time ago the notion that I would be an author. The words may only get stuffed away in a journal somewhere, but for now, it's the type of therapy I need. I need to be able to sit there and say "I created that out of thin air".

Lists

2010-01-14T13:02:00.002-05:00

I have always loved compiling lists. I don't necessarily follow them, but I love getting things down on paper and organizing my thoughts and ideas in a clear and concise manner. So, in 2010, I've decided to start making my 10 things in 2010 list(s).

10 things to accomplish in 2010, or my 10 in 10 lists:

- Read at least 10 books
- Find at least 10 non-standard books to read to my son (none of that Max and Ruby shit)
- Put a stamp of approval on 10 signature dishes
- lose (at least) 10 pounds
- Come up with activities to do as a family
- and that's about where I'm at right now.....

I've really fallen off the grid with my reading habits. In school, it was common to have to read at least 4 books a week. Taking a full time job, maintaining a house, and keeping up with an active 3 year old into consideration, I've fallen into the trap of T.V., magazines, and the internet.

My mind is starting to feel like mush and I feel I don't have a creative outlet anymore. By the time I get home from staring at test scripts and spreadsheets and Web pages all day, I've barely got enough energy to get dinner ready and play "action figures" with my son. So, the comfort of the couch and the heroin-like appeal of mass entertainment suits my interests quite well. I just have to focus on keeping my eyes open in order to absorb all that is thrown at me.

Enough is enough for me. I like television and movies and entertainment, in general. But, it's doing harm to me and my family. My son is catatonic when a favorite show comes on and don't get me started about Idol and all the shit-stains it produces. My wife is in another world when this show is on (which should be 4 out of 5 nights now that it's just started back up).

I want to get back to being forced to think. I want to read books to my son that don't quite end with "Happily Ever After." I want to sit around the dinner table and talk about what went on in the world, in the city, in our lives. (We currently do this, but it feels so disjointed because the TV or other entertainment item is always on or in focus and we don't usually eat at the table.)

What I get are snippets of my family's life. Just bits and pieces. I've already started getting out of the trap. But, only by a little bit. When I feel that my son has watched too much TV, or I have to stand in front of him to break his attention, so he'll answer me, I turn the set off (to many protests) and get a game off the shelf and sit on the floor with him and play.

I'm not perfect in any of this, by any means. I just want to be able to open a book, go for a run, get my family outdoors, talk about the day with as little effort as it takes to turn on cable and settle into a nice cozy couch.

I'll have to come back and revisit this post in a few days and clean it up. I don't want to come off as negative. I just know that the trappings of comfort and entertainment are very very easy to get used to and I want to lead a richer, fuller life. Hopefully, my family will follow.

What I like about Christmas...

2009-12-21T13:17:00.003-05:00

In 50 words or Less

- New Snow
- Twinkling Lights in a darkened room
- Seasonal Winter Ales
- Fireplaces
- New food recipes
- Avoiding Crowds
- Cleaning up the house for Santa's visit
- Cinnamon
- Sweaters

Eh, who am I kidding? I like the week leading up to Christmas. Morning traffic is a bit thinned out and so is the office. The workload even lightens up a bit. There are new recipes that bloggers all over the place start sharing. The best recipes can be found over at http://www.suburbanbliss.net/ where Melissa's husband, Logan, has been posting a different drink recipe for every day leading up to Christmas. I love finding a quiet spot somewhere off in the corner at my parents' place on Christmas Eve and take solace in the fact that only 1 of the 6 maniac kids running amok has to actually come back home with me.

I have no idea what to expect in the coming year, nothing is set in stone, but I know my son will be in awe of the fact that Santa remembered to pick up the latest Wolverine toy even though Daddy said we had to leave it at the store.

There's a good chance I may soon join the unending ranks of the unemployed this winter. I try not to think about it, but it's sitting there like a 900 pound gorilla waiting to greet me each morning. I'm just hoping it doesn't treat me like a Samsonite carry-on when my current project finally wraps.

Until then, I'm going to try to sample as many of Logan's 12 days of Christmas cocktails as I can and think about the look on my son's face when Wolverine is finally staring at him face to face.

Next list to come: New Year's Resolutions...I promise I will blog more often than every 6 months...

Summer's Almost Here!

2009-06-04T09:51:00.002-04:00

Wow, it's been half a year since I last posted. Whoops!

I've been scatterbrained for the last several days dealing with a new project that I'm helping out on, so I figured I'd try to clear my head a bit and jot down some things I've got planned for summer.

- I've gotten myself into restoring vintage Schwinn's. I've got to repaint and rebuild a 59 Panther for myself and then it's on to fixing up an old Grape Krate for my brother and a Little Lemon Peeler for my son.

- I'm going to be playing in a couple of golf outings this summer. I've been playing almost 20 years since my grandfather took me out to Ridgewood Golf Course for the first time. After getting out last weekend for the first time in about a year, I've come to the conclusion that I still pretty much suck.

The problem with my 50/50 ability in golf is that the teams that I joined have it in their heads that I'm a 'ringer'....it's kind of a joke, but I don't want to completely blow the perception, so I think I'm going to try to get to the range at least twice a week and hit a round at least once a week until these outings come and go.

- My fitness plan is to get my ass on one of my bikes and ride at least 10-15 miles a week and pick up the kettlebells again. I have such good intentions, but, lounging around is so much easier.

- I'm going to try to not worry about my job. It's hard to know what to worry about from one day to the next. I've seen so many people let go over the last several months, but there is still a lot of work to get done. I'm just not sure what decisions are going to be made, so I can't fret about where this is going to end up. Either, I'm going to be employed through next summer or I'm going to end up making videos about puppets and skeletons like Glittergirl.

- I'm going to take advantage of the outdoors this season. Our bikes are all tuned up and I picked up a trailer for my son, so I hope to get out on the trails a lot this year.

- Here's hoping this little bit of writing helped to break my writer's block, so I can finish writing a script for an application that I have yet to see :-)

My Badass Online Self

2009-01-16T13:43:00.006-05:00

I've got to give a shout-out to Dr. Zombie http://doctorzombie.blogspot.com/ for helping me lose about a half hour of productivity by introducing this.

I went to Marvel's create your own superhero site (http://marvelkids.marvel.com/create_your_own_superhero ) and doctored myself up a bit for the online realm.

Here are the comparisons:

Mojito in Real Life. (pretty badass)

Mojito Online. (real badass)

Booger - An Introduction (A play by Mojito)

2008-12-19T10:25:00.003-05:00

- Curtain Opens

Actors: Papa Libre, Mama Libre, Mojito Jr., Beverage King

Stage Setting: Family Room of Mojito Manor
- Stage Left: Papa Libre, sitting with his back turned, chatting on Facebook with Beverage King
- Center Stage: Mama Libre on the couch struggling with one of Mojito Jr's nostrils.

Papa Libre: "Beverage King is typing out dialogue from Orgasmo"
Mama Libre: "Mojito Jr. has a ginormous boogy in his nose! I've got to get that out!"
Mojito Jr.: "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
Mama Libre: "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Got it!"
- Mama Libre wipes booger on a napkin and rests it on the couch to be thrown out later-

Beverage King (in chat): "So, how are things?"
Papa Libre (in chat): "Oh, things are good. We're spending the holidays at...hold on a second"

Papa Libre turns around to look at the scene behind him.

Mojito Jr.: giggling maniacally runs behind a chair
Mama Libre (disgusted): "Jr. just grabbed the booger off the napkin and is trying to eat it!"

Papa Libre turns back to the computer to finish typing.

Papa Libre (in chat): "Mojito Jr. just ate a booger and is laughing hysterically behind a chair."
Beverage King (in chat): "Ha ha ha."

FIN

- Stage Light Dims
- Curtain Closes

Pawn Shop Guitars and Candy Bars

2008-12-15T14:54:00.002-05:00

I've been telling myself for the better part of a decade to just sit down and learn a little bit of guitar. God knows, I've got enough instruments to get me going. I've got some hand-me down guitars from my brother and uncle. I've also got a really nice Telecaster.

For some reason, though, I want to learn on a banged up piece of junk Pawn Shop Guitar. There's just something mythical about them. I've always eaten up the stories about great guitarists who pick up an axe at some sleazy shop and usually take this instrument to new heights in their career.

Take, for example, Clapton's Blackie (one of them) or Stevie Ray Vaughan's SRV1. These Strats were both, supposedly, purchased at pawn shops while they were on tour. I know Clapton had extensive work done on his, but how cool is that? Here's this guitar that some guy (someone probably like me) figured was worth giving up for 50 bucks and it ends up in the hands of a master (don't flame me...I know these guys aren't the end-all, be-all, but they're pretty damn good - alright?).

I really shouldn't be looking for a guitar at this moment...what with Christmas, Mojito Jr's b-day, and work pressures, but why not? I think I'm now at the age where I don't take knowledge for granted and now with the way technology is, there really are a lot more different ways to learn than trying to follow a doped-up guitar teacher.

I came across some software that seems pretty straightforward in its teaching method...something that was definitely missed when I took lessons a few different times. A computer program doesn't cut you short by 15 minutes every session and it doesn't make excuses as to why it doesn't want to teach you a certain song or chord progression or why it's late.

I think using an old beaten up guitar to learn next to a brand spankin' new software program would make for an interesting lesson plan.

Now, I just have to get Mrs. Libre to hear me out....

Things I like/Things I don't like...On Vacation

2008-09-29T23:40:00.003-04:00

Things I like:
- Warm Air
- Cold Beer
-Warm Ocean Water
- Good open fired steaks
- "Taco-Boy" restaurant tacos
- watching my son standng in the surf
- sitting in a tide pool looking at shells with my son
- beautiful million dollar digs
- being complimented on my tattoo sleeve by a surfer...pretty cool!
- Showing the southern religious register jockey of the island grocery store my tattoo of hell and the devil after she asks to see the "Colorful" tattoo that is peaking out from my sleeve.
- cheap cheap cigarettes
- late nights
- spending my wife's b-day on the beach
- having a pool within 20 feet of the condo
- not thinking about work for a week
- not worrying about bills for a week
- Thinking Showtime is available at the condo to watch premiere of Dexter
- taking my time
- Playing Wii Playground with my nephew
- Piggly Wiggly

Things I don't like:
- Sand
- More sand
- wrestling with my son to get sunscreen on him
- wrestling with my son to get his swim trunks on him
- wrestling with my son to get him in the car to go to the beach
- wrestling with my beer when the cap doesn't open properly
- ice cold swimming pool (I mean cold, cold, cold...Lake Erie is warmer!)
- Learning about Major Got-Danged Layoffs when I'm away on vacation....
- "Pan Seared Tuna" tacos at "Taco Boy" taco restaurant...didn't realize that the tuna taco was pan-seared, i.e. RAW. But, not too bad....
- Learning about layoffs
- Early mornings
- Keeping up on the Kettlebell routine
- expensive, expensive gasoline
- Realizing my nephew figured out how to play Wii playground in 1 evening.
- Not having Showtime to watch the premiere of Dexter
- Realizing I'm south of the Mason-Dixon line where full back tattoos of a Zeppelin album cover is acceptable and normal.
- did I mention layoffs? What the hell gives????

Piss Pants

2008-09-26T16:18:00.002-04:00

In grade school, the nurse's office had a spare pair of the ugliest got-danged plaid pants I have ever seen.

These were nicknamed the "Piss Pants".

Anyone that had to wear them was destined to be called Piss Boy for the rest of the year.

I'm curious. Was my school the only one that had this phenomena?

Also, our uniforms (Catholic school) were navy pants and a white shirt. We could never figure out why they didn't just have a spare pair of blue pants. Instead, the principal and nurse made damn sure that you could spot the one kid that pissed his pants that day by giving him a pair of yellow, orange, green, and red plaid pants to go with the Hush Puppies.

Also, I could've used a couple of spare pairs of "Piss Pants" while attending college parties...

Kettlebells and Soda

2008-09-26T15:56:00.004-04:00

I will admit that I have broken my prohibition a bit over the last week. But just a little.

Spent all day Sunday working out in the yard and a cold beer was the perfect end to that day.

Then on Tuesday I had to finish what was left of the beer in the fridge.

I did, however, manage to lose about 7 pounds during the time I cut back on booze.

Success!

I also coupled the "no drinking" thing with a Kettlebell routine.

I forget how I found out about them, but so far, the results are amazing.

I've managed to pull my calf, my back, my tricep and my groin in a more efficienct manner than traditional weights! :-)

I seriously did. Of course, this is attributed to the fact that I didn't keep proper form during the first couple of times I started using a kettlebell.

But, this thing works. I'm doing a routine of only 2 main excercises spread out through the week and so far I'm able to see some definition in my arms and in my legs. By the way, I'm only using a 25 lb. weight and the routines don't require a lot of time...5 minutes for one and 12 minutes for the other. Also, I've only been doing this for about 3 weeks.

It reminds me of the "shovel glove" thing that Copax posted a few weeks ago, but less retarded. The shovel glove was thought up by some guy in his living room a couple of months ago. The Kettlebell has been developed and honed for over 300 years by the Russians. Most notably, the Russian military.

If you're willing to feel a lot of pain (moreso if you hurt yourself), then I recommend it. A good place to get started is reading up on Pavel and getting one of his books or DVD's: http://www.powerbypavel.com/

Also, not drinking a ton of beer and sticking to Club Soda and Virgin Rickey's helped me out immensely.

T - Minus 2 Hours

2008-09-26T15:12:00.002-04:00

In just under 2 hours, I'm done with work for the week.

What's more...in just over 4 hours...I'm heading out on vacation to the beaches of South Carolina.

Yup. Right by Tropical Storm Kyle!

Hopefully, our little beach house is going to be nestled far enough south that we won't even see any effects of the storm.

Now, if I was planning on visiting Maine this weekend, that'd be a different story....

So, I'll get back to blogging when I get back to town and I wipe all the sand off my ass.

Oh, Rickeeeey....

2008-09-09T15:30:00.004-04:00

I've come to the conclusion recently that I have been putting a few too many back as of late.

A lot of things have brought this about:

- Possible kidney stones
- Doctor's recommendation
- Can't lose the pounds
- Fighting with plants
- etc.

So, I went on a little to no alcohol diet for the time being (so far, no alcohol for about 3 weeks).

Unfortunately, I also recently came across a classic cocktail that sounded like it would be awesome. Simple, easy to make, contains my favorite booze, and sounds pretty damn refreshing on a summer day.

The Gin Rickey.

1 ounce Gin
Juice of Half of Lime
Topped with Club Soda or Seltzer over ice.
Serve with slice of lime for garnish

What a time to decide this, especially since I found my holy grail of drinks.

Anyways, I figured I needed to trick my brain into thinking I was serving it booze, so I doctored the recipe up and created the "LimeAid Cascade".

(I removed the gin from the equation).

At first I thought it was going to be horrible, but to my surprise, it was awesome. Granted, it's an aquired taste, but since I like gin, I figured I could handle Club Soda.

This is now my drink of choice and I actually crave it when I get home.

I even went out and bought a Lemon/Lime squeezer from Bed bath and Beyond because I've been making 5 to 6 of these a night.

One thing to note: Club Soda has a sodium content, but seltzer does not. I figure I've cut back on a ton of booze, so a little salt isn't gonna hurt (right now). But, if I can keep this schedule up, I'll more than likely switch to using Lemon Lime seltzer.

It seems like I've got a cocktail in my hands and I'm sure my neighbors think I'm toasted since I've constantly had one of these things in my hand for the last couple of weeks, but it's a start.

My next step is to consider the importance of tobacco in my life...but not quite yet.

***Oh, and I think I really need to point out the fact that I came up with this thing all by myself. So, if Glittergirl goes on about how she came up with this, it's a lie!

Have You Seen This Man?

2008-07-15T11:15:00.003-04:00

Apparently, this is the best I can do with my time. On the flip side, if I'm ever kidnapped for my vast real estate fortune, these can be passed out around town.

Amusing Correspondence

2008-07-14T14:14:00.003-04:00

Considering my day was going to be hectic as we are beginning a major cycle of our testing and I am in charge of my Lead's responsibilities while she is on vacation, the following email thread brightened my morning. And, yes, it's pretty dumb, but it made me laugh.

Copax: Just had to share this Fark headline..."Two swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing" from the article:
“Currents Claim 3 Over The Weekend”
"Juan Moore, 28, was among three friends from Philadelphia who swam toward a buoy about 100 yards off the beach around 7 p.m."

Mojito: That's tragic.

Family members are in the process of legally changing his name to Bob.

Copax: how many people need to die before someone does something about the problem? obviously, at least Juan Moore

Mojito: The person that will truly be sad from the news will be Joe Mama.

Copax: no, I called her this morning, and she was fine....wait, what?

I Have a New Friend

2008-07-11T10:10:00.003-04:00

and his name is Dexter http://www.sho.com/site/dexter/home.do

Have you seen this show?

It follows the life of a Miami PD blood-spatter analyst who hides his dark secret from the world. He's a serial killer who preys on killers that have slipped through the cracks of the legal system.

My cable company offered me an extra movie package last week for 2 bucks a month. I immediately thought of Dexter and Weeds and signed up for Showtime.

Before this, I caught a few scenes here and there when CBS was airing episodes of Dexter. I'm not sure if they stopped, but it was never enough to get into the show.

Starting this past Sunday, Showtime is airing each episode of Season 2 in its run-up to the Season 3 debut in September. I watched almost all of Season 2 On Demand Monday night. Yes, Tuesday sucked.

It was enough to get me to go out and buy Season 1. Now, I can't wait for Season 3.

The characters are well written. The story is interesting. The levels of suspense and surprise are enough to keep you coming back for more. But above all, it has got some pretty dark humor. I think that's why I like it so much.

If you get a chance to see the show, whether it's on the web, Showtime, or CBS, I highly recommend it.

Wow, It's Been Awhile

2008-06-18T11:45:00.002-04:00

I didn't realize how long it's actually been since I've posted last.

I've been super busy at work and at home. I haven't had much time to think about what I could write about, so, this thing has pretty much sat stagnant. I can't promise anything...it will probably remain untouched for another 2 weeks. At least until the end of the holiday.

I've been trying to redo some parts of the house and hopefully, everything is completed by the 4th. We've got family coming in town to visit and I'd like to have everything ready by then. That means a lot of late nights.

Our kitchen is almost re-done. I put up a few new coats of paint over the weekend, but I've still got to swap out all the hardware and replace a fan and chandelier.

Father's Day was nice. I got to spend the weekend all by myself. Now, that may seem sad, since it is only my 2nd Father's Day, but Mrs. Libre and I did that on purpose. Had she not packed up the boy for a few days, there would've been green Mojito Jr. footprints all over the house. I guess that's what 18 month olds do.

So, to save us all a bit of frustration, my Father's Day gift was to have the weekend to myself so I could bust my ass staying up 'til 3am each night patching, sanding, taping, and painting. But, it's worth it. Especially if we're going to be in this house for awhile. We might as well enjoy it.

Oh, and I did get a couple actual gifts, too. I got some cd's and a book by David Sedaris. In the words of my wife, "You can read the book when you have some spare time, oh, wait, yeah, hmmm. Well, you can return it for something else. And I got you a couple of cd's that are completely different from what you asked for, so, ummm, yeah, uhhh, here's the gift receipt. Happy Father's Day!"

(She got me Jason Mraz and Dr. John). Not so crazy about Jason Mraz, so that's going back. But, I love Dr. John. Unfortunately, this particular cd (when I sampled it on Amazon) garnered a "Meh." from me. So, those are both going back.

Luckily, I saw an article that Death Cab for Cutie just released an album last month. And, while painting, I was listening to Little Steven's Underground Garage in which he played a song off of Alejandro Escovedo's new disc.

I'll be heading to Border's to grab these 2 albums soon! Hopefully, I'll get some time to post about how they sound. Oh, and pictures of all the hard work I've put into the house. Those will go up when I get some time, too.

Now, it's back to work for me....

QA is Demanding

2008-05-21T12:19:00.003-04:00

I really enjoy my job. It's fun to break things apart and try to figure out how they work. That might be why I'm so into doing maintenance/mechanical things around the house. It's also fun to get paid to break things. People actually tell me "good job" when I break something so bad that it needs to get completely re-worked all because it happened to me and not a customer.

It's not a task for everyone. There's a lot of fact checking and requirements reading, but there is a lot of satisfaction in knowing that I can be given a pretty technical, abstract idea and I can figure out how the thing works...and then go off and try to smash the thing to pieces.

Here I am testing the latest advancements for the new Web application "Elmo Takes Over the World". Enjoy.

Dumbass of the Day

2008-05-21T11:53:00.002-04:00

In an effort to recreate a famous scene in Stand By Me, this young man decided to take a short cut on the train tracks.

Unfortunately for him, he must have gotten lost in the music. Yes, he was wearing headphones, why do you ask?

Turns out, he was actually attempting the worlds record for the assisted long jump. He smashed the record at 70 feet.

iPods and Trains don't mix

Who Likes Pie?

2008-05-20T22:26:00.004-04:00

In these difficult economic times, I would like to share a very fast, cheap, filling and wholesome recipe.

I don't want to steal the thunder from Erin O'Brien's in depth reporting of the Recession and her wonderful ideas for surviving it. I would just like to add my wife's humble recipe to the pile.

Mrs. Libre whipped up this dish, which I have lovingly named "White Trash Pie."

Ingredients: 1 pound ground beef, 1 can Manwich, 1 bag Tater Tots (generic is recommended), 1/4 loaf of Wonder Bread, and half a cup of cheddar (or govt.) cheese.

(Honestly, I don't make this part because I hate the smell of ground beef cooking)

- Brown Ground Beef

- Add can of Manwich according to directions

- Line bottom of pie tin with full slices of Wonder Bread to act as a crust

- Pour Sloppy Joe mixture into pie tin, so that it covers the Wonder Bread.

- Top the sloppy joe mix with tater tots forming a crust.

- Toss in a 400 degree preheated oven for about 30 min. (or until the tater tots are done)

- Sprinkle with Cheddar Cheese, so that it starts to melt.

- Retrieve a cold PBR from the ice box

- Invite the family to a quick and easy down-home meal

Bare Feet Fobia

2008-05-20T22:05:00.010-04:00

I've got a thing about foot injuries. Because of this, I pretty much always wear shoes. The only time I am usually barefoot is when I am sleeping or swimming. So, this past weekend, after a long hard day of yardwork, Mrs. Libre caught a very rare glimpse of my bare feet.

Here they are. Out of their natural habitat:

Bowlerama

2008-05-16T14:43:00.003-04:00

I went bowling the other night and I found out a few things:

1. I'm not as young as I think I am.
2. I'm as out of shape as I think I am.
3. I'm not as good at bowling as the Nintendo Wii makes me out to be.

Talk about a reality check. My hip's been bugging me for 2 days now, my back is spasming, and I can't feel my thumb below the first joint. That would be understandable if I were in my mid to late 40's.

I'm 32.

I really have to get off my ass and start utilizing my gym membership.

Have they come out with Wii Fitness, yet?

Dumbass of the Day

2008-05-16T10:57:00.004-04:00

This reminds me of the scene in White Men Can't Jump where the one guy needs to pay a gambling debt and runs over to a convenient store to rob it for some quick cash. Unfortunately, the clerk knows the guy even though he's got a ski-mask on.

Here's an example of a fine, upstanding employee of the Pizza Industry. This gentleman decided to burglarize a pizza shop...where he was employed...in his uniform....

Doughboy Arrested for Being Dumb

I 'Heart' Cleveland

2008-05-15T13:40:00.004-04:00

Where else but a small midwestern town that strives to be New York, but can't seem to muster up enough strength to be Chicago can you get the following amenities:

- $5.00 a day parking goes up to $20.00 just because the Indians started at noon
- Almost getting run over by a front-end loader because the pedestrian paths route through all of the crazy construction areas of Euclid
- Not being able to walk to a decent place for lunch because of the Euclid construction (either the places are closed or you have to Indiana Jones it down the road to get to Subway)
- It's sunny and looks like it's 75 degrees, but it's only 55 because of the Lake and wind
- World class traffic on a small town scale.

Dumbass of the Day

2008-05-15T10:13:00.006-04:00

I'd like to start a column of sorts entitled "Dumbass of the Day" where I will present to you my favorite stories of human emotion, tragedy, dumb luck, and outright stupidity.

These stories will tug at your heartstrings or, at the very least, make you feel so much better about yourself.

By the way, most of these stories will probably include the mention of Alcohol.

Today's story involves a lovely Iowa gentleman who decided at the tender age of 47 that it would be a good idea to try to lay a coin on a set of train tracks. Usually, the outcome is pretty neat. The coin gets stamped out to 3 times its normal size. Most people, however, tend to check the tracks to see how close they really are to the oncoming train:

Man Becomes One With Himself...and a Train

Writer's Block

2008-05-14T23:37:00.001-04:00

I finally find some time in my day to actually get a post going on my blog and I can't think of a damn thing to write.

I feel like a famous writer staring at a blank page. Well, maybe not a famous writer. Maybe just a writer. Or a cartoonist. Not a famous cartoonist. Possibly the guy that draws Marmaduke.

That's it. I'm basically staring at a blank page and my editor is on my back to get the next day's drawing of a big dumb dog taking over his master's easy-chair and I can't think of a good caption because it is probably the 10 thousandth time I've written the joke.

That or it's because it's midnight and my brain is scrambled from writing and editing test scripts all day long.